numbers

there are 26 letters in the alphabet 

but i haven't found the right arrangement yet

to describe what's going on
to find out what I want

there are 7 days in a whole week
but not enough time to hear me speak
about what this is
about that kiss

there are 24 hours in each day
million times God's heard me pray
for another you
one better and true

there are 12 months in the year
pillows stained with my tears
as I cry out your name
in the familiar game

there are 60 seconds in a minute
only takes about 10 to give in
to your smile

and get lost for a while

revert

you're the worst thing to happen in this whole generation 
a hiccup, a mistake, just a stupid complication
you're everything i hate and you're all that i had 
but now everything i gave you, i want back
my memories, my sanity
logic, practicality 
self control, remembrance
happiness and temperance  

maybes

one of us changed and i'm scared it was me
and while my hearts been tamed, my mind has been freed
so now i think about the possibilities
cause maybes are all i have left

i didn't think too much of it back then
but i knew enough to know it would end
so now i sit by myself and play pretend
cause maybes are all i have left

flames cannot burn without ignition
blames cannot turn without admission
i have a fairy tale life, blurred by my own vision
cause maybes are all i left 

never

it's hard to look back on our time
to realize omissions are lies
to see that no matter how hard i tried 
accepting it was never going to be me

and it's hard to make peace with the past
struggling with answers to questions unasked 
to know that our moments would never last 
realizing it was never going to be me

it's scary to think how things end
no warning no problem to mend
to see it all crumble and then 
seeing it was never going to be me

it's hard to put feelings to words
love lust and fear and being concerned
to be denied of trust you thought you had earned 
knowing it was never going to be me

family feud

i'm on the line of good and evil
trying to walk on neutral ground
but with the waters over passing me
i might as well just drown

in a moment we won't remember
that we ever fought at all
but the problems always linger
nothing ever gets resolved 

sugar coated truths
cold shouldered, lost
walking in silence 
shouting in thoughts   

floating to the surface
maybe it'll bring them together
with my body laying motionless
maybe they will remember

still

i can still feel that first 
waiting cause i froze
now i try hard to remember 
december
was a very long time ago

i can still hear you whisper
hey baby are you cold
now i try hard to remember 
december 
was a very long time ago

i can still feel your heartbeat
your bare skin, no clothes
now i try hard to remember 
december 
was a very long time ago

i can still see the streetlight 
your truck as it goes
now i try hard to remember
december 
was a very long time ago

and after all that, after everything, you went back, leaving me empty. after all that, after everything, you turned away. nothing is concrete. 

weakness

as my eyes struggle to open i swear hear my name
as they sharpen into focus so does my heartache 
i remember why i'm tired now, i was up so late last night
preparing for a violent throw down within my own mind
if i knew the last time we kissed 
would be the last time we did
i would've punched you in the face
before you turned to walk away
but i suppose i would've been too weak 
what with your eyes suppressing me 
forcing my surrender to anything i'd like to believe  

liquid courage

it's unapologetic

how the liquid courage 

     of last night 

          feels like poison in my bones this morning 

the whirl of hope 

and the brokenness of promises 

     are unleashed in the daylight 

                        and it hurts

any beautiful thoughts of you 

are shattered with the realization 

      of how damaging they were

           of how damaging you were 

you're nothing you say you are 

and you're irresponsibly mean

so goodbye then

i'll see you 

when your eyes are dead

        and only the moon shines