family feud

i'm on the line of good and evil
trying to walk on neutral ground
but with the waters over passing me
i might as well just drown

in a moment we won't remember
that we ever fought at all
but the problems always linger
nothing ever gets resolved 

sugar coated truths
cold shouldered, lost
walking in silence 
shouting in thoughts   

floating to the surface
maybe it'll bring them together
with my body laying motionless
maybe they will remember

still

i can still feel that first 
waiting cause i froze
now i try hard to remember 
december
was a very long time ago

i can still hear you whisper
hey baby are you cold
now i try hard to remember 
december 
was a very long time ago

i can still feel your heartbeat
your bare skin, no clothes
now i try hard to remember 
december 
was a very long time ago

i can still see the streetlight 
your truck as it goes
now i try hard to remember
december 
was a very long time ago

and after all that, after everything, you went back, leaving me empty. after all that, after everything, you turned away. nothing is concrete. 

weakness

as my eyes struggle to open i swear hear my name
as they sharpen into focus so does my heartache 
i remember why i'm tired now, i was up so late last night
preparing for a violent throw down within my own mind
if i knew the last time we kissed 
would be the last time we did
i would've punched you in the face
before you turned to walk away
but i suppose i would've been too weak 
what with your eyes suppressing me 
forcing my surrender to anything i'd like to believe  

liquid courage

it's unapologetic

how the liquid courage 

     of last night 

          feels like poison in my bones this morning 

the whirl of hope 

and the brokenness of promises 

     are unleashed in the daylight 

                        and it hurts

any beautiful thoughts of you 

are shattered with the realization 

      of how damaging they were

           of how damaging you were 

you're nothing you say you are 

and you're irresponsibly mean

so goodbye then

i'll see you 

when your eyes are dead

        and only the moon shines

sweetest girl

she drank her pain away
till she was gone and shitfaced
there was something that she tried to prove
with a stranger in a bar bathroom
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

she hears the laughs behind her back
she'll keep running, but she's trapped
smiles, though she's pissed
takes it out on her wrists
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

laughing with her so called friends
trying hard to be like them
she's crying and she chokes
can't see her through the smoke
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

at the party she avoids the trays
until someone hands her a full plate
the bits and pieces she consumes
end up wasted in the bathroom
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

in our heads

i wanna have you over at my house
in the kitchen talking loud
sneaking glances over my way
wishing we were by ourselves

unexpected you walk in
with that sneaky devil grin
know exactly what i'm thinking
cannot wait till we begin

everyone's out in the garage
try to fight it and it's so hard
all the things that we could do
in your truck parked in the backyard

crouching down beside the car
bite my lip, inches apart
sneak a kiss under the pressure
well, let the fun now start

anxiousness in your eyes
determined one thing on your mind
i make my way back to the door
excuse yourself to go inside...

deluding

i'm trying to be honest

with a promise

never made

to guide me

but it hides me

in love's darkest cave

deluding

i'm confusing

when to let go

with when to hold on

i've got it wrong

but i'm just

justifying

timid lying

to myself

no history

just mystery

what to do

you're refreshing

but i'm stressing

don't make me move