numbers

there are 26 letters in the alphabet 

but i haven't found the right arrangement yet

to describe what's going on
to find out what I want

there are 7 days in a whole week
but not enough time to hear me speak
about what this is
about that kiss

there are 24 hours in each day
million times God's heard me pray
for another you
one better and true

there are 12 months in the year
pillows stained with my tears
as I cry out your name
in the familiar game

there are 60 seconds in a minute
only takes about 10 to give in
to your smile

and get lost for a while

revert

you're the worst thing to happen in this whole generation 
a hiccup, a mistake, just a stupid complication
you're everything i hate and you're all that i had 
but now everything i gave you, i want back
my memories, my sanity
logic, practicality 
self control, remembrance
happiness and temperance  

maybes

one of us changed and i'm scared it was me
and while my hearts been tamed, my mind has been freed
so now i think about the possibilities
cause maybes are all i have left

i didn't think too much of it back then
but i knew enough to know it would end
so now i sit by myself and play pretend
cause maybes are all i have left

flames cannot burn without ignition
blames cannot turn without admission
i have a fairy tale life, blurred by my own vision
cause maybes are all i left 

never

it's hard to look back on our time
to realize omissions are lies
to see that no matter how hard i tried 
accepting it was never going to be me

and it's hard to make peace with the past
struggling with answers to questions unasked 
to know that our moments would never last 
realizing it was never going to be me

it's scary to think how things end
no warning no problem to mend
to see it all crumble and then 
seeing it was never going to be me

it's hard to put feelings to words
love lust and fear and being concerned
to be denied of trust you thought you had earned 
knowing it was never going to be me

family feud

i'm on the line of good and evil
trying to walk on neutral ground
but with the waters over passing me
i might as well just drown

in a moment we won't remember
that we ever fought at all
but the problems always linger
nothing ever gets resolved 

sugar coated truths
cold shouldered, lost
walking in silence 
shouting in thoughts   

floating to the surface
maybe it'll bring them together
with my body laying motionless
maybe they will remember

still

i can still feel that first 
waiting cause i froze
now i try hard to remember 
december
was a very long time ago

i can still hear you whisper
hey baby are you cold
now i try hard to remember 
december 
was a very long time ago

i can still feel your heartbeat
your bare skin, no clothes
now i try hard to remember 
december 
was a very long time ago

i can still see the streetlight 
your truck as it goes
now i try hard to remember
december 
was a very long time ago

and after all that, after everything, you went back, leaving me empty. after all that, after everything, you turned away. nothing is concrete. 

weakness

as my eyes struggle to open i swear hear my name
as they sharpen into focus so does my heartache 
i remember why i'm tired now, i was up so late last night
preparing for a violent throw down within my own mind
if i knew the last time we kissed 
would be the last time we did
i would've punched you in the face
before you turned to walk away
but i suppose i would've been too weak 
what with your eyes suppressing me 
forcing my surrender to anything i'd like to believe  

liquid courage

it's unapologetic

how the liquid courage 

     of last night 

          feels like poison in my bones this morning 

the whirl of hope 

and the brokenness of promises 

     are unleashed in the daylight 

                        and it hurts

any beautiful thoughts of you 

are shattered with the realization 

      of how damaging they were

           of how damaging you were 

you're nothing you say you are 

and you're irresponsibly mean

so goodbye then

i'll see you 

when your eyes are dead

        and only the moon shines

sweetest girl

she drank her pain away
till she was gone and shitfaced
there was something that she tried to prove
with a stranger in a bar bathroom
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

she hears the laughs behind her back
she'll keep running, but she's trapped
smiles, though she's pissed
takes it out on her wrists
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

laughing with her so called friends
trying hard to be like them
she's crying and she chokes
can't see her through the smoke
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

at the party she avoids the trays
until someone hands her a full plate
the bits and pieces she consumes
end up wasted in the bathroom
do you see what you've done to her?
cause she used to be the sweetest girl

in our heads

i wanna have you over at my house
in the kitchen talking loud
sneaking glances over my way
wishing we were by ourselves

unexpected you walk in
with that sneaky devil grin
know exactly what i'm thinking
cannot wait till we begin

everyone's out in the garage
try to fight it and it's so hard
all the things that we could do
in your truck parked in the backyard

crouching down beside the car
bite my lip, inches apart
sneak a kiss under the pressure
well, let the fun now start

anxiousness in your eyes
determined one thing on your mind
i make my way back to the door
excuse yourself to go inside...

deluding

i'm trying to be honest

with a promise

never made

to guide me

but it hides me

in love's darkest cave

deluding

i'm confusing

when to let go

with when to hold on

i've got it wrong

but i'm just

justifying

timid lying

to myself

no history

just mystery

what to do

you're refreshing

but i'm stressing

don't make me move

my girls

her hearts been broken
she feels so inadequate
but she's too soft spoken
but why won't he commit?
thoughts keep her up at night
people telling her she's weak
one more year,  keep up the fight
shes the strongest girl you'll ever meet

she feels so strongly
never wants to let go
she's been done so wrongly
feeling hurt and hollow
she's grown up so much now
no longer shy and meek
turned her life around
she's the strongest girl you'll ever meet

she'd give him anything
except what he wants
proud she wears that ring
as temptation taunts
works hard to play hard
the world sits at her feet
she plays all the right cards
and she's the strongest girl you'll ever meet

different battles
different fears
living learning
beyond their years
guards build up
hearts recline
knowledge grows
in passing time
racking up
experience
take the world with
confidence
you're beautiful, live faithfully
you're the strongest girls I'll ever meet

someday

your eyes they blaze through me
looking down smiling lazily
messy hair, tousled tastefully

eyes alive crazed, they dance
weak, my knees don't stand a chance
enticed by your slow romance

walk around the pool table
rest your finger at my navel
have to breathe; I'm hardly able

locking eyes as you progress
feathered kissed on my neck
shriving, I am out of breath

hands gentle upon my face
leaves no time to contemplate
dizzy, the bar fades away

suddenly, I hear my name
look across as you say hey
smiling, I think disarrayed...


someday.

dreamer

she was dreamer
an avid believer
always jumped in with both feet
her head the clouds
refusing to come down
assuming the best of who she meets
trust was unquestioned
until it was mentioned
she would believe you blindly
an innocent angel
you swept into hell
deceived by the veil you wore kindly
that is enough now
she picked up and got out
something shes done so constantly
defeated and used
shes empty, unmoved
ready and waiting with her heart on her sleeve
she wasnt scared
she was too prepared
all she wanted was to be saved
another frog kissed
how many more till a prince
she just wants to feel okay

so much closer

i get that this is crazy,

I might be asking a lot

but I think we’re capable,

and Lord knows ive waited long enough

i get your hearts been broken,

shut off to loves exposure

but you know that this feels right,

and I just need you so much closer

breath into me tonight babe

forget the world exists

and as the candles burn down

into your arms well kiss

its always been me and you

you know we were never over

can we forget the past?

cause I just need you so much closer

temporary

Miss me baby

It’s all I want

Kiss me baby

It’s all my fault

Hear me whisper

Soft at night

Feel my eyes burn

But I’m alright

Say you’re sorry

At least for now

Pray my worries

Soon wear out

This town is small

But you are nowhere

My frown is long

But you don’t care

Sense my heart bleed

Just for you

See what id seen

Make it come true

You hold the key

To my happiness

But you lock the door

With a goodbye kiss

I slide to the ground

Now it is over

Head in my knees

So this closure

wind

its kinda a lonely night

even the seas think so

but as they pass on by

the wind whispers cold

talks about a prince

says hes gonna be all mine

says that hes convinced

that he’ll be here at the right time

tells me he’ll treat me right

tells me he’ll be everything

that I wish for at night

and even more than I can dream

says he’ll cherish my heart

and accept me as is

that’s a great start

but wind tell me this

will he honor my wants

and desire my hopes

and when my past haunts

will he hold me close

will he encourage my betterment

or belittle my dreams

will his motives be heaven sent?

Or laced over greed?

wind whispers in my ear

so closely, I shook

he said my prince is very near

if I would just look

a piece of unfinished work

he still needs some time

but what I have learned

is he will be mine

hurt

Tears spring to her eyes

As she counts the many lies

But doesn’t dare open her mouth

Never voices a single doubt

No, she never says a word

She’s addicted to the hurt

She feels a tear leave her eye

Curls up, and tries to hide

She wishes she could runaway

Happiness outweighed by pain

She’s pleased one too many guys

They’ve left her cold with broken lines

Told her things that made her smile

Then left her in denial

Her mistakes have become proof

That she’s hiding from the truth

Her heart twists and somersaults

She tries to believe it’s not her fault

But her walls are crashing down

And no ones to be found

She feels so fucking hollow

A fake smile she’s borrowed

From a better past

How long will this last

She hurts inside

She isn’t safe in her own mind

She crawls back into her bed

Escaping from her head

She’s better off dead

Everyone’s better off with her dead

fail

I’ve failed so many times

But Lord knows that I’m trying

Something keeps me coming back for more

The hope I hold is thinning

You grin, because you are winning

The devil in me evens out the score

If I could let go of my pride

I’d lock myself up and I’d hide

Envisioning what never could begin

Mystery surrounds you

Victim, I play fool

But I knew this would happen again

and you

I wanna be somebodys everything

Not anybodys something

A mess ive made creates a space

Between where my memories fade

And you

Stars fall from the sky

Into your sleepy green eyes

Time makes its way

Between where my memories fade

And you

Peripatetic, I wander about

Thinking of how

You drive me insane

Between where my memories fade

And you